Dramatic Prima Donna

I did write before about how I would like to conclude my self argumentation about who is right and who is wrong.

The topic was if we should change the word "right" to "wright" because i always accidentally types wright when I wanted to write right.

Actually no, my topic of argumentation was about that girl from 1st blog. If you know who I am, you will be thinking why this douchebag is still thinking about that girl and not focus on something else. Well, whenever I have a rough moment, I never think of just letting them be and forget them. I do not abandon my demonic memories, I accept them as me, and live with them. Though my memory with her was semi traumatic, I wouldn't want to be your average bimbo who always tries to forget about the past and move on and get traumatized again in the future. My style is I get depress, GG, dead, before moving on and analyze individual acts and events that I had to go through; that's why it takes me long to re-analyze my past, but surely I never will forget them and extract what is it in me that I am "lack."

To start of, I was wrong. I was trying to help someone who's already deep in emotion where she was not capable of just accepting some good possible scenario. I wanted to show her a better life, yet was I showing/advertised it right to her? No. All I did was what many others are capable of doing as well, which is to promote and not giving her a glance of what I was trying to show/do to make her "better."
What does it mean to give her a "better" life? Buy her dinner everyday? Grocery shopping with her everyday? Watch some crappy and cheesy korean drama with her? Go to all the bars exist in Kuching and give her the Heaven's Feel? No. What I was trying to do, was to bring her to the life of 0 drama. Life where where we be together and show no dominance towards one another, no high expectation, no drama, if there's a problem sit and discuss about it and find solutions to them. But it does seem odd for many people as it sounds boring. That's the problem with many people I know. It seems like drama itself is a must to their life, and if not, it is a boring relationship. I too sought this life, but once i notice that it brings more anger and frustration than happiness, I dropped it. But later in their life, they realized that they were wrong. They wasted so much of their life on drama and not being fully happy, which they later regret. That's what I wanted to offer to her, but most likely I showed/presented that choice badly. Tried my best but it never worked. But I guess it makes sense in the end..... who would want the advertisement that they ignore to come back to them and ask them "Ar3 y0U sUre?" That's what I did to her and I got what I deserved.

But that did not end horribly as I found another sexier and much betterer wahmen to date with. Not saying that the girl from 1st blog is ugly or something, but to be honest, she is just average. What made me liked her was the attention she gave me (care and etc) and I had the desire to drag her out of her dramatic life. Note that her life is so full of drama that I really eager to drag her out of it, and somewhat be involved with it. But, in the end it wasn't my job to do so. I ended up with someone who never had a love problem before, hence it is easier to make her believe me. I would have guessed that there would be more suffering on me if I were to date the girl on the 1st blog, compared to this one I have now.

I got so attracted to her dramatic life, which makes me wonder today if girls/boys like to dramatize their life on purpose in order to make them more attractive. I won't deny that as I did things like that before. I watched her danced and sing; act on the stage where it's light never seem to go off. Curtains never seem to close for long. How can someone's life be this interesting I asked. As I watch her acts becoming more complex, the more my legs were numb. Numb... but the seat and the show makes it very relaxing. Every time she sway her elegant dress, I would cheer out loud.... but my voice would never be heard as many others would cheer louder than me. Whenever I threw my rose, many would do the same. There were too many roses, so she never noticed that I threw in another. Whatever I do, was never seen directly. Many had gotten her glance, and invited to her stage. I had it close once, I actually stood on her stage. But due to the fact that she was not sure how to dance or act with me and worry that she wasn't good enough for her as she though her performance wasn't too great that she should have others be on her stage for awhile. I decided to act cool for my audiences by going back into my seat and play my part as... an audience. Though I got the first seat, I never again got her glance. And that's when I learned that my ego and arrogance had totally ruined my own opportunity. From then on... I wasn't able to enjoy the acts she pulled on stage. Even worst, I tried to invite myself onto her stage as I wasn't happy with how things went. As I lost my opportunity, she invited another guy up to her stage... breaking the words she told me when I was on the stage earlier on. With myself being so retarded, I always thought there's another chance. I went again.... and again... for her to actually reject me and chose a guy who sat at the back, wearing non-professional outfit to be on her stage instead. That was my deepest downfall. For me... to lose the stage to some punk... And there... I had nothing to do other than going back to my sit. 

As I began to open my eyes wider, I noticed similar acts had been repeating. I began to notice she had been inviting men to her stage just to repeat the same exact drama. The dramas are great, however..... it was getting tasteless overtime. I couldn't stand watching the same drama repeating itself, so, I tried to stand up from my seat and leave the theatre. As I walk further from my seat, the more I realized my feet were not capable of bringing me out of the theater. So I begin to crawl my way out. She noticed me this time, but she wasn't assisting me out, nor was she encouraging me to stay. Maybe she did... but perhaps not.. I had to leave no matter what. The seat were tempting for my legs, but I moved on and drag myself out of the show. 

Slowly, and painfuly, I got out. Though my legs were still incapable of movement, at least I was able to make myself believe that her show would not have benefited me. If I stay longer, I would hurt myself. I would probably be noticed one day, but that's when everyone else has left the stage. However I began to notice more and more people are coming into her show.... so what would be the odds of me to be the only audience soon? I sat next to the entrance door of her show to wait for my legs to heal... and to hope that she would ran down from her stage and chase after me. No one was chasing anyone.... As I sat out there, I could just see more and more men and women are going into her show, and I could hear her acts are repeating once again. I... knew things wouldn't change anytime soon; and with my legs were capable of movement, I walked away from her front door, with a wish that one day her drama ends with a happy ending. As I walked pass by doors leading to other people's theater, I always can hear shouts and applause from men. I never cared to enter or visit anymore shows, as all I can think about is how similar their acts/stories will be to the one that I had just left. 

I passed many more theatres... some were quiet, but that's maybe because the audience were asked to remain silence. I didn't bother checking anymore. I really didn't care. As I walk pass a specific door, it opened randomly and I was just pulled in by this 1 woman. Her theatre... was rather empty. Even though I was hesitant to get into anymore theaters, but boy... it was the unique one. She told me she had been watching over me, and want me to be on her stage. With the light shining on her stage as I was dragged on, I noticed she's.. a lady...in red... who's eager to start her lone stage with our story.

I legit just side track myself and wrote some bullshit that I would probably not understand in 2 hours time.

Whatever I want to sleep, so that's what I have concluded. Act 1 ends, curtains close.

Dramatic Prima Donna