Original/Ever-changing Symphony

Okay... so whatever i wrote yesterday wasn't saved. Do note that I haven't been writing for quite a while now, so I my engrish is quite brokan.

Basically I am typing stuff that my brain have been asking/wondering about...

What is our natural state?

When I ask what is our natural state, I meant more of the reasons why we are brought up the way we are, and why do we do things in high school which usually ends up us regretting doing it in the future. If you are an endocrinologist, you would answer that question with "sleep" (for some of you who didn't take any classes discussing about sleep, sleeping is our actual "native state" of the body) If I ask you, I bet 0.50 cents (i legit no money right now, so I don't wanna gamble) that you did some embarrassing things that you wished you would not have done.

But, why did we do it in the first place? Why did I, have to try acting differently in front of others, when certainly that is not who I really am? Why did I act cool in front if Nia and said that "it's okay to reject me, we can still be friends" repeatedly and ended up breaking her heart and thrust? Not only that, I broke my own life...  Why did I, take the dancing group with Natalie and others, yet I myself do not enjoy dancing? Why did I, try to impress others by drinking excessively? Why did I,  drove myself into K pop, where I never really liked them? Why did I, when do something funny or weird, always look at the girls? Why did I, have to order a rose for Natalie when I was in grade 8, and to Nia at grade 11? Why did I, have to do any of these?

To impress others, is what many people do during their youth. Some people don't, and they ended up lonelier. For those who impress others but not themselves, why? It is such a hurtful feeling, yet we drive ourselves to believe that the silver lining exist. We do these hurtful things, yet when we get a small yet hopeful news, we actually buy it and straight away assumed that what we have been doing was right all along.... but in actual fact... it doesn't carry any of that good news at all. We perceive things as what we would like it to be. It's like when Nia just slept on my shoulder, she didn't mean anything, she just saw me as a friend and that's all to it. She trusted our relationship so much that she would even do that when at that time, she was dating a guy from A-level (incase you forgot, it's that guy that have a protruding lower jaw, have glasses, really short haired, and have a scar on his head). Yet the only thing I assumed from that event is "there's a hope."

What is this "impress?" For us, for you, for me, for him, for her, for it, for any higher up eukaryotes organism, it is simply to mate. To mate, to create offspring, is the drive in all of us. Some females wait, some others chase endlessly. Some males chase endlessly, some have no desire (not gay). For me, I am a simple one who tried to chase all the time. To impress, is simply to show that you are different than others, and that you are the prime candidate for anyone to mate. It is simply true that most of men's high school memory is about to impress the other sex to have fun with them. It is simply weird, but true. In the wild, we would go around and try to kill each other just for territory and women, but in our shifted society, all we could do is to impress. But why do we get embarrassed by our moves in the end? Because we failed. What if we had done it differently? Would we get the sacred bobs and vagana?

What if, we had been truthful to ourselves and instead of impressing others by doing things that are not ourselves, we impress them by becoming ourselves? Sad for us, that rule is generally not allowed in the community. Just look at Sheldon, he had always been true to himself, yet he is the one that got bullied to no end. He is different, in that he is not seen as "worthy" of passing offspring. If he read this post right now, I would bet 10 cents (i decide to go lower because i am seriously broke), that he would say "why the fuck would I do that?" That's exactly why. To those who stay true to themselves in the wild with no interest in mating, tend to be the outlier of the community. They don't follow norms, which includes no desire to pass on offspring. And that action itself is already declaring war on natural selection. Of course, for those who are born to oppose the nature, will die; same goes for those who couldn't/want to create offspring.

For one, don't you think it seems funny that to hate LGBT is literally normal in our community? Now now don't get allllllll pumped up yet~ Let me phrase that sentence a little more understandable to you all air breathing humans: Why, does hate on LGBT even exist in the 1st place? If you are not born in a more developed countries, you would probably be familiar with hearing your community referring people who are gay/lesbian as bad. Most of the people who are not fed with present education would agree on such statement. LGBT itself is already a topic of taboo from thousand of years ago. All of these hatred, can be rooted into natural selection. Natural selection doesn't give a triple shit about your kindness (actually in some way yes, but i don't want to get too far discussing this), all it care is if you could contribute to the community by creating more species of yourself, by having sex with an opposite gender. That's it. Finish, full stop, no comma, no colon, no whatever this ";" symbol is called, that's all natural selection wishes you to do. And ofcourse, it has the combat system to eliminate those who could not fulfill such a  criteria, which is hate. To hate... to punish... is what natural selection is doing on us to keep our species in check. You can google gay people being punished in Indonesia, and you will see videos where they are publicly humiliated for their "crime." To humiliate them, is to say "trying to fix them," where in actual fact, LGBT can't be "fixed."

It is so weird that all I have been doing is actually normal in natural selection sense. To impress, yet to regret.... If I hadn't done all of these, I would be deemed as "abnormal" and I would probably be the target of classes' bully. I really have to say, we are born eff up, and many people today still carry on the legacy of punishing those who are not worthy of mating. I do not have anything against the LGBT, just note that. I have couple people I know who are in the LGBT community, and I must say, they are much better than some people who are straight.

My perspectives are no longer in the natural state. All I have now is an altered state, where I am no longer participating in female chase or hating/discriminating the "unworthiest." Do note that humans are more inclined towards polygamy creature, which means males would prefer to have more than 1 female partner. Some of you who males who disagrees, try to consider the following: what if you have a wive, yet she encouraged you to get another? Better yet, your wive has another partner that she wouldn't mind sharing you with. If you say no, then ok. Not good or bad, just ok. Remember, I said humans are more inclined towards polygamy, not 100% polygamy.

It is weird that my present perspectives has given me the ability to give compassion and empathy to anyone living. Even enemies sometimes. I just hate it when I get to know more about my enemies, because I tend to ended up liking them. For example Angela from my workplace. I honestly do not like her personality. But when she told me some stories of her past, I was able to link her past to how she could have become the person I hated today; which in all, made me cared for her. But I know I should not care too much about her. I have done similar things in the past, and though it doesn't hurt me today, I can still remember how unpleasant it is to care others who don't care about us back. I don't really seek anything much in return, all I could ask for is the same empathy given, but mostly no one is able to even give anything back closer to that.

Looking back to all of that junk that I typed.... doesn't it seem like to have the altered view I have today is still considered "natural" since I am still human and evolution keeps on going regardless of anything?

What do you think? Have we evolved and created a new order in our "natural" state, or do we lost our natural state the more we are influenced by the present education system (basically the no hate system)? I could go all philosophical, but I am just going to end it here now because I am tired, and I have to go to lab tomorrow. I have to drug my flies with DMSO and 37187 chemotherapeutic drug.

Next topic will probably be about my final answer/ decision with how I should view the girl from the 1st blog. It's literally been almost 6(?) years since then.



Original/Ever-changing Symphony