Maturity is something almost all of us Asian kids are hammered with when we grow up. But there's always a thing that I always question since long ago: what is maturity?
That began when people I was compared to in the family for being mature began to show attitudes that I would see as "off." There's a cousin I have that always win awards, acts very adult and etc and needless to say he was my parent's perfect kid. I was told a few times that I used to admire the trophies that he brought home, but I myself never aim, neither cared for, getting one for myself. He was the perfect kid until there was a moment where he let go of his chance to be Australian to go to Singapore for the girl he was in love with , but eventually broke up. That went against one of what my mom told me as "what it meant to be mature" which is to care for future and not some puppy love. And slowly I began to open my eyes, the people she used to compared me with began, one by one, showing their "immature" side and when I asked I should be like that just because they were my examples of what "mature" supposed to be, I was told, obviously, not to follow.
I also began understanding more of the other cousins in the capital when I escorted my grandma there to live with them. The image of "mature" people keep tumbling down ever the day passes. Especially the aunt/uncles I met there, I learned their methodology of life is simply... to survive rather than enjoying life. Is that what it meant to be mature? They screamed at their kids and even calling them dogs at times (yea here's a diversion story: so she was bought a dog from her friends, which she couldn't have because her parents (my aunt) didn't allow it. I was funny because you should never give your friend a pet, if their family doesn't allow it lmao, pets are family thing, not a personal thing in the end of the day. So she didn't talk to her mom as much due to how she overreacts all the time, and this case was quite bad because she was supposed to get something done for school. But she clearly didn't say anything till the last minute, which leads her to just spend her time with her dog for some reason. Needless to she my aunt was mad and she screamed at her and called her "just become a dog instead if you want to spend your time with your dog.") And she was also the same cousin that my mom said infront of myself that I was immature and delayed my semester to start college just for my wife, Mrs. Udang di Balik Batu (that part of the story was stated in a post in 2nd Season blog). I was at that time, already had doubts on what it meant to be mature in Asian culture, hence I began to make my own choices without outside interference.
There are much more to that ofcourse. Being mature apparently is to be able to apply for colleges by myself apparently, which I did and wasn't getting much praised for. Being mature is also being able to clean up after oneself and being able to be independent. Which, though the cleanliness is always an issue for me, atleast my home isn't the Atlantic garbage patch and able to live away from those I love without much issues. Being mature is to be able to get good scores and be able to talk about the world and have big general knowledge, which I know I was lacking before, but now I have it most than many. Being mature, is to not watch animations/cartoons but watch news, which probably all of you probably have heard once in your life. Last but not least, being mature was apparently to be able to speak "smartly" and be "arrogant" at a young age.
Let's talk about the latter most subject. I always told, or even notice it myself, that girls mature faster than most boys. Of course there are mature boys too, but really less common. Here then I looked back into my childhood times and compared myself to the people that were deemed "mature" in asian culture. I learned that they indeed are acting like an adult, but with once catch, they seem to stop learning to be better at younger age too. I was conisdered the one of the kids that matured late. And in the definition, being arrongant was stated, but in a way that we stand up for our own views/believes in a young age. Which is good to have, but also a double edge sword, since I notice they tend to grow into an ignorant person who thinks they are right and rarely reflects upon themselves and learn to be better. They seem to take what they know at young age, persumably because others kept telling them they are mature or something, which made them think they are right from the young age. Let's face it, we all are dumb as fuck when we are young. Sure you can give me an exception for some people, but in general most of us are not set on the right path since we are a kid. I was lucky to grow with people deemed immature and learned one aspect of life that I always enjoy: freedom with discipline. I know my value, I am willing to learn to be better and I know that there are things outside of being "mature." This is what I noticed long ago too, that the "immature" people tend to question things and the "mature" ones tend to take things as they are. This is of course different in Western world, which I notice, but can't say for sure if my current deduction is right.
The one of the kids I know to be "mature" in standard of Asian culture is doing PhD as I am now, worst yet, I already published more than her in a better journals too. And there's another that would also be seen as my level of immature, but he's a vet now. So there's this clear illusion of maturity in our culture. It is 1) the act of taking the positives of one person and ignore their negative sides and 2) the illusion of one perfect person. I know we should always take the positives of someone but, in the end they should just be an example of a person living their life, not an example to become. Only until recently my parents deemed me mature, but clearly I wasn't like the ones they used to compare me to. Some of them have gone to live not as successful as mine or more successful because of their parents' connection. I forged my own path, strayed away from the illusion of maturity at early age and needless to say I am thankful that I was mature myself to know how to pick choices based on logical observation, rather than following a dead end stereotype life.
So what it meant to be mature on my side, is to know the choices that I picked are based on rational/logical/ choices that are REALLY logically thought of, and not emotionally driven. This was something that I knew I had to try back then, it may had not worked, but somewhere in life I have to risk and follow my believe system. Ofcourse to make decision that are not driven by emotion is something that I had to learn in pain from trying to get that girl from the first blog. Remembering it makes me cringe to how I became someone I am not in order to impress others. That experience indeed helped out after reflecting upon it. I guess I have to say thank you Nia for making me a better person (also thank you for saying "You'll get a better girl than I am" cause I definitely did). Since then, what I invested in had always been so far either modestly good or excellent to get to where I am here. I had ofcourse suffer the pain of being looked down by my family members, but now they know that since a long time ago, I already had it in me: to be mature in my own way. It doesn't matter that I have a few flaws, as long as I they don't risk my future, harm/hurt others, disappoint others and my life then it is ok since I can't, and no one can, be perfect.
Be better, but don't be butter, that's all I am saying.
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