ABRSM 2011: Allegreto

Well now I am just waiting for time to pass so I can go to Gyu kaku with senpai before he leaves to Japan.

It is always well sit in my life that whenever I do something out of the ordinary in my daily life, chaos ensures and usually is not the positive,and neither negative type. Am here I am just writing to remember my Summer of 2022.

It was the year that determines my fate in the US. That's right the Visa renewal bullshit where you have to leave the country and risk not coming back here~ The application itself was already stressful for me, being perfectionist and try to make sure all is right in the application, with any minor issues would alarm me; and needless to say most of them was just being dumb ass paranoid and definitely wouldn't contribute to pain.

First of, I had to change program when I applied for visa. Wow, what are the odds I changed during the most important part of the application. What happens if I change and then the interviewer be asking why and shit.Why change my program, am I incapable, yadi yadi yadah that is dumb. It was surprising that I was able to get the program people to expedite my request, which happens a week right before I had to submit the application. And the week before I left, I got my first time car accident in Boston. What's more? One of our lab mate was denied visa from peru because he couldn't hear the interviewer due to his hearing problem, and the interviewer rejected him by thinking his english sucks. Bruh he even got to like top US school? Like why interviewers are so retarded? Very nice to think about these, considering I was already in a negative state of mind. I mean imagine: what if I can't come back? Where do I even go? I don't like working in Asia, and other countries may see my US visa rejection as a deterrent for future visa opportunities. Like the country made things so dumb that my fate could be sealed easily.

Then on the interview itself, dear me, a very new person. That guy doesn't even know that permit for stay and visa for entry is 2 separate things and thought I was deported for extended stay. I was bombarded with "did the police catch you?" shit, like can't you just ask me if I got deported instead? Like just jump to the conclusion and not beating around the bush question. Luckily I mentioned that I have always worked with my DSO to keep my legal stay and he decided to check with his advisor and was able to confirm I was not in the wrong doing. Man that guy gave me the creep for the rest of the week.

I was then having to make decisions on to stay or to choose to fly to Malaysia to see Johan. I had such a chaotic week considering it was my holiday. It was painful because I finally learned the importance of family, but also forced to pick a side in the end. Even the trip in Malaysia wasn't as great as I felt like I was doing chore to make people happy than actually enjoying myself. Like I do work in the house, having to keep wifey happy, like I felt I wasn't good enough. Sure sure I was treated like a family, but No, that's not what I wanted. I wanted to have a blissful break, not having me there like I have always been there. Like care for cat? Why? Clean house? Well sure since I am guest I should clean up after myself, but not I clean the whole house for cry out loud. I felt like it wasn't rewarding, considering that I paid alot for the travels myself, and having to risk my future to see Johan, I genuinely did not feel like it was paid of. Which made me having to admit something here: I was nervous about having to visit Johan at 2022 December. Do I have to go home to serve other people? I am going back to do "chores" in a way that I am just making things up because I did not visit since forever? I am paying a communal service here? And all honestly I was glad that I am not going back this December as I truly do not know if I would enjoy the trip or not.  Do I miss her? Yes, but I do not want to waste my time to serve others nor am I there to work to make people happy. I didn't mean to go all selfish mode to be a prince, but can't a man get an actual rest from all these shits he had to undergo to go back and visit? 

Yea IDK. Here I am blissfully enjoying the moment by myself and my gaming people. Perhaps I just like this zen of just not having to think alot... while knowing things can't go like this forever as I have to shape my destiny to be a citizen here.

At this point I am just ranting than anything.

ABRSM 2011: Allegreto